The Life Cake

May 13 2005 - Friday the 13th. Nakakapagtaka at ang daming tao dito sa
Globe ang inaabangan ang araw na iyon. Kung mapamahiin ka, ayaw mo nga ng
petsa na yun eh, kasi malas. Dun lumalabas na ang lakas dumapo ng
kamalasan sa mga tao tuwing 13 at Biyernes. Pero hwag ka, kahit sabihin na
nating kamalasan yun, may malaking kahulugan para sa amin yun.

Sa 13th malalaman kung gaano pa itatagal ng ilan dito. Malas man o hindi,
nag-aabang silang mabuti. Lalo na nung kumalat ang isang balita tungkol
sa aming increase, lalong madaming nanghihina. Pero kahit ganun, tuloy
pa rin ang paghihintay, umaasang tsismis lang yung narinig namin. Nandun
yung malaking "?" na talagang di umaalis sa isip namin. Ano nga kaya ang
magiging balita sa araw na yun?

Ika nga ni Shaggy, "Siguradong magkakaroon ng inuman, pero di pa alam kung
para sa isang kasiyahan o despidida". Tsk tsk sana hindi na lang namin
nalaman yun para hindi kami ganito kabalisa. Araw ng kamalasan talaga,
baka pag nakakita ako ng pusang itim tadyakan ko, mailabas lang ang
tension.

Basta malas man o hindi, buo na desisyon ko. Oras ng tapusin ang kamalasan sa buhay ko.

Pagod na ko. Tama na. 2 taon na kong nagtratrabaho pero feeling ko kaunti
lang ang natutunan ko. Nawala na yung dating sigla ko sa trabaho. YUng dating
todo OT para matapos ang lahat agad. Bigla na lang nawala nung nilamon na
ko ng sistema. Isang malaking pagkakamali na talagang nagmarka sa akin.
Yung pakiramdam na lumagpak ako sa isang pader.

Gusto ko ng magbago…

Hindi naman sweldo ang habol ko eh, mas gusto ko yung satisfaction ko sa
trabaho.Yung masarap na feeling na may natutunan talaga ko.

Ayoko ng routine. Ayoko ng support. Gusto ko dun sa trabahong kung saan
mag-iisip ka talaga at mag-design ka ng system. Baka naman sabihin niyo
ang yabang ko naman, pero ito talaga ang gusto kong trabaho. Mag-isip,
mag-design at implement. Mga bagong sistema yung masasabi kong "Pare,
alam mo yung ganyan - ganyan, na-implement ko yun!". Yung talagang proud
mong sasabihin sa iba na ikaw ang gumawa niyan.

Nanghihinayang ako sa sarili ko. Sayang ang oras na dumaan na hindi ako
gumalaw. Ang tagal ko na sinasabi sa sarili kong "Gumising ka parey, wala
na sa direction ang buhay mo". Nakakalungkot. Nakakapanghinayang. Madami
kang alam pero ni isa sa alam mo di mo nagagamit.

Para ilarawan kung nasaan na ko, isipin mo ang isang puno. Nagsisimula sa
isang buto. Sa pagdaan ng panahon lumalaki, dumarami ang sanga at tumitibay.
Dahil yan sa araw, alaga at tubig. Kaso ako yung buto na tila inanod sa
buhangin. Maraming araw, maalat ang tubig at walang nag-aalaga. Hindi na ko
tumubo. Nag-aabang lang ng pagkakataon. Sana laro ito sa PS na pwede mo
pindutin ang reset at i-load ang nakaraan.

Mahapdi. Malungkot. Bangag. Lalo akong naging desperado ng malaman ko kung
paano ni-rate ang trabaho ko. Nakakapanlumo. Sampal talaga sa mukha ang
inabot ko. Hanggang ngayon, bakat pa rin sa mukha ko ang sampal na yon.
Hindi ata mawawala hanggang wala pa kong nagagawa.

Feeling ko nga nagkamali ata ako ng pinasukan eh. Pati prinsipyo ko nabago.
Isipin mo naman dati promoter ako ng Open Source development, ngayon puro
Windows app ang ginagamit ko. Naaalala ko pa noon, "Sa papasukan kong
kumpanya, i-promote ko ang paggamit ng Open Source" at "I’ll re-model
existing systems to utilize Open Source". Ngayo, parang kinain ko lahat ng
salita ko.

Di bale, malapit na akong lumaya. 6 na buwan na lang  at sa wakas,
makakapili na ako uli. Sana naman tama na maging desisyon ko. Sana maitayo ko
uli ang prinsipyo ko. Sana malaya na uli ako… Sana maging tunay na uli
ang ngiti ko… Sana lang, sana…

Since it is lunch time and I’m totally bummed out, l’m craving for some authenthic street foods. What? Street foods you say? I want  these type of food even if they say that they are dirty and very unhealthy.

I don’t care! I love eating fishballs, kwek-kwek, maruya, banana que, monay with cheese, isaw, goto. I would prefer those served in the streets as well because it makes me feel the right ambience. Then I realize my corporate life deprived me of this simple joy.

Another good thing when I eat them is the feeling of being a kid again. I used to ask my lola to give my 1 peso then rush to a fishball stand and buy 4 pieces (yup! fishballs were .25 pesos in my era). I was so happy and munched with gladness.

Even in college, they also stamped a good memories. After our ROTC trainings on weekends, we went to the nearby fishball stall near Vanguard(They have an extraordinary delicious sauce! ) and treat ourselves. They even introduced fish nuggets, the P2 counterpart of the chicken nuggets.

Another stall, the isawan near the PCED hotel, after our exams or wala lang moments, we would buy some isaw (broiled chicken large intestine ). I often make a remark about we were lucky if in the isaw there are some corns (ehehehehe).

Geez,  when can we have those good old days back…

There are 3 things which I would add to my hate list:

First Case: People who are so techy that they often boast about it
Description: They own the most advanced gadgets in town. They know how to dissect the OS from its very core. They are extremely talented in the diffrent languages a programmer should know. Yet, they always say that
they can do anything with bragging tone.
Example: Hey you know what I can overclock my *bleep* *bleep*  processor and even exceed what you currently have now.
Please, if you really know something, say it in a nice way or if we really
need your opinion then we’ll ask you. We had enough of your bragging and you
already proved that you are good but please, stop talking and just help us.

Second, People who feel that they are techy but they what they talk about  was garbage
Description: They always claim that they are the best but if they were asked about the details, they gave false ideas or rather fictitious data.Often they divert the topic just to save their skins
Example: Hey my *toot* can do better than that. Why? Uhm, uhm you see its
speed is uhm like uhm, basta its better
Come on, give us a break. If you really know that you are better prove it.
Else, just shut up and do something better.

Third, People who can’t bear techy people
Description: Can’t bear tech talks. Prefers soap operas and showbiz chikas rather than describing or solving tech problems. They call you names like "Nerdy" or "Geek-tongued". They are ignorant on new gadgets but they won’t consult any techno-savvy dudes because of their pride.
Example: Linux what? It’s like old news duh! I would rather watch Britney
rather than tweak that piece of junk.
Tsk tsk tsk! Some people really don’t like the geeks. Man, you need some
major explanation before they understand what you are doing. Plus they
always get on my nerve with all the coniotic habits they show.

When in love, never put yourself on an island
Bounded by the shores of a never-ending sea
Where starting is as simple as breathing
But ends in a complexity of bitterness

What will you do if it crumbles?
Where would be heading as it sinks?
Will you still find another one like it?
Will you be keeping your memories from it?

Let love flourish but never let it conquer
Make it be felt but never hoard it
For happiness in love is not just in the heart
Harmony will be with the mind inside